"Dunno, started at the bar and then that lot there." He gestured at the bottles on his table and turned around, walking into the dressed by accident. Okay, maybe he had a few but he needed the confidence. "I like my drink, what can I say?" It helped him to cope a lot. To forget things.
"You gave me my first drink. Remember that?" He near threw up after it.
"Cause you gave me the strong stuff, you prick!" He wasn't a wuss or anything, it was just Angel. Fucking up as always. "You sent me home like it. Me ol' mum had a bloody--"
He cut himself off because thinking of his mom was a big no. He huffed and dropped down on his bed, rubbing his forehead.
He walked up to Spike and took hold of his jaw to tilt his face up toward him, as gentle as he could be even if the whole thing probably still reeked of Liam.
"And I've always been picky, you know that. But it's not about that, it's about being able to give consent properly."
And he wished he could have some of that Irish courage for the making of that particular confession. But if he wanted any sort of honesty from Spike, he really was going to have to give as good as he got.
"Well, it's all different now, ain't it? And it's your fault. You made us like this. Set us on the bleeding path. Me and Dru, we knew what we were doing, we were all happy." As happy as they could be. William took a while to want that life but once he got there, once he learned it, it was hard to go back on it. To return to what he'd been.
"Then you come back and it's all changed. We're supposed to have gotten the memo." Angelus wasn't who he used to be and what the hell did that mean for him now. "You left."
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"How much have you had to drink tonight?"
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"You gave me my first drink. Remember that?" He near threw up after it.
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Because he'd been a kid and not supposed to handle it.
"And if you really wanted to have sex with me tonight you shouldn't have gotten drunk."
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He cut himself off because thinking of his mom was a big no. He huffed and dropped down on his bed, rubbing his forehead.
"Didn't think you'd be so picky, did I?"
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He walked up to Spike and took hold of his jaw to tilt his face up toward him, as gentle as he could be even if the whole thing probably still reeked of Liam.
"And I've always been picky, you know that. But it's not about that, it's about being able to give consent properly."
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It was easier to make distance from the situation with gentle teasing that want for much more or let himself feel anything real.
"If I wanted it, I could say yeah drunk... done it before, doesn't make a difference. Stop trying to coddle me."
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Just to drive the point home that he wasn't the man he once was, he let go of Spike to sit down on his knees in front of him.
"What did you need the Irish courage for?"
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He hated to admit it, he hated any sign of weakness in front of Angel but he was drunk, tired and afraid of how much he'd fucked up over all of this.
"Dunno how to be with you. It's too much."
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And he wished he could have some of that Irish courage for the making of that particular confession. But if he wanted any sort of honesty from Spike, he really was going to have to give as good as he got.
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"Then you come back and it's all changed. We're supposed to have gotten the memo." Angelus wasn't who he used to be and what the hell did that mean for him now. "You left."
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He'd left, and then he'd never returned. In the flesh, maybe, but he'd never been there for Spike. Not in the way he did try to be for Dru.
"But I'm here now. Really here."
Cautiously, he put a hand on Spike's knee.
"If you'll let me."